Getting Dogs PUMPED
This is something I'm very passionate about. A lot of people don't know anything about getting dogs pumped. Basically it's a new fad , which started about six years ago when my cousin went nuts with his dog the day before Thanksgiving and screwed up lunch. I was laughing my ass off, BUT I understood the importance of it all. Last week I asked a bunch a people about doing it and nobody knew the first thing anything--even my uncle who knows EVERYTHING. So here's my Ultimate Guide to getting dogs pumped up.
Start Simple. Just start running around in circles in an area where your dog can see. The dog will immediate feel the vibrations of your energy level and those vibrations will start vibrations in the dog. Then, scientifically speaking, the dog will flip. It's awesome.
Choose your level. To increase the level, you can swing a pillow in each arm in a circular motion as you run in a circle. That will help a lot. I think that the circular motions are important because the energy of getting pumped is trapped within the circle and hits up against the energy at the end of the line and gets that energy pumped as well. It's really simple when you think about it.
Screaming is key. But there is a problem. A dog might think that you're mad about something that happened earlier even though you may not be mad at all. Maybe if you scream in a barking type of way, the dog will understand. Now try doing that while swinging pillows!
Contact can be tricky. Once again, you don't want the dog to think you're spanking him or her. It's best to stick with pushing with slowly increasing intensity. It all depends on how far you want to go. If you want to get your dog pumped for a five minute session, then you need to keep the intensity down↓. Otherwise you're in for a longer session (30 min to two hours of getting pumped) and then you can increase↑ the intensity to the highest levels ever.
Building traps is underrated. A lot of people lack the motivation to build good traps for dogs, which generally shows in other aspects of their life. One way of making a good trap is to throw a blanket over some chairs. Then when the dog jumps on the center of the blanket, it'll fall right into the trap. It's awesome. (Diagrams coming soon.)
Helping aids help. Here are some dog sounds to get your session started. It's best if your turn up your computer speaker loud and run the sound in a loop. Then proceed with running in circle while swinging pillows and screaming and pushing. The whole house will go crazy.
Dog Bark 1 Dog Bark 2 Dog Bark 3 Dog Bark 4 Cat Donkey Pig
Now after you're done, just relax. Also, if you want to video tape yourself getting your dog pumped and be featured on the site, then post your video on the internet and send a link to firstname.lastname@example.org. Or if you're having problems getting your dog pumped you can email me at email@example.com for more information.
Let your friends know if they might be interested in this kind of thing too.