REAL Ultimate Power
Ninja Back Up
Dear Anyone who Loves Ninjas,
Maybe you're the type of person whose into cars or basketball or something else. Personally, I'm into ninjas. You probably already knew that. So a couple of years ago I made a website to tell everyone about the sweetest beings that have ever existed. Ninjas. At the time, I didn't even know there were people who felt the same way I did. But now, because of all of you who love ninjas, signed up on the mailing list, and visited the site, some publisher wanted me to write a book. This book, REAL Ultimate Power, is everything I know about ninjas. Who they are, what they eat, what they like to do, and everything. I even teach you how to become one. But most importantly, REAL Ultimate Power will make you so pumped that your mom won't even understand what's happening to you because you'll be going so nuts, ripping up the carpet and throwing couch cushions all over the living room, that nobody, not even a police officer, will be able to stop you. And that's a fact.
Now, if you feel the same way I do about ninjas and want to get as many people pumped as possible, then you can help out. You can spread the word about ninjas by putting a REAL Ultimate flier on your bedroom door, on a silly building or bathroom wall, or on your cubicle. Let your boss know about your feelings for ninjas. You could even give one to your aunt. (Even if you're aunt sucks, there's still a chance she'll change.) And if these people want to keep talking crap about ninjas, then they're going to have to be prepared to shut their mouth for the rest of their life, because there's army of people out there who believe--who are pumped and will run down ANYBODY who thinks ninjas aren't the sweetest beings ever. Because if these IDIOTS believe they can keep people from getting pumped up about ninjas, they're going to find out real quick how stupid they're little puny brains are. Just imagine some guy speaking all sorts of crap about ninjas as there stood behind him about 100 people getting really pissed and he doesn't even know it because his brain is upside down, and then, we finally finishes saying the stupidest things he could ever say to anybody anywhere, one of the bad ass people peacefully taps him on the shoulder and he'll turn around thinking it's his buddy because of the way they tapped but it's actually the most pissed off people planet earth has ever produced and they start kicking the crap out of him bad, because he doesn't even know who he is and he thinks that speaking poorly about ninjas is going to make him feel better about himself, but it won't, because feeling good about yourself doesn't work like that because you have to start loving yourself first and not treating ninjas like a silly fairy tale, which they're not, and then maybe that idiot would have found peace, but now, unfortunately for his pure stupidity, he had to get the crap beat out of so bad his hairy mom couldn't even identify the little tooth left over from the huge ass beating.
Here are the fliers. You can print them out real easy. Plus, they look pretty bad ass. My room is covered with them.
Flier 1 Calm Circle Pump
Flier 2 Circles within Circles of Pure Pumpitude
Flier 3 Monster Pump, Can't Stop
Flier 4 Monster Pump, Circle pump, Together forever
You can email me at firstname.lastname@example.org, if you have any suggestion about spreading the word about ninjas or if you just want to talk about ninjas.
If your buddies might be interested,
make sure to tell them too.