Dear Amigos and Hot Amigas,
Check out my new video channel.
There will you find out about blowing chunks, grandmas and grandpas, and people wiggin out hard.
Dear Concerned Citizens and Hot Babes,
In 2004, REAL Ultimate Power championed the rights of the most amazing mammals on Planet Earth, NINJAS. And many got pumped.
But now, a new enemy has emerged. And on November 4, 2008, a chosen dude will come forward to combat that enemy, HARD.
The Second Episode of the Hamburger Trilogy
This is probably the first time EVER a regular person has investigated this sort of thing. So now the people of Planet Earth will finally know the truth about all those levitating towels and dead grandpas popping up all over the place. If you enjoy hearing stories about dudes kicking the crap out of ghosts and/or aliens and you would like to join the Elite Fighting Force of Dudes to combat these beings, then check out http://www.ghostsaliens.net.
Also, check out my cousin, Trey Hamburger's site, www.boneage.net. It's all about the different ages of consent around the United States of America. It's a good source if you like to pork.
Double Yo. A lot of hippos are in trouble. http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/science/nature/6065796.stm. And that's bullcrap. I don't know what to do since I can't really leave the city, but I'm at the point where I don't even care. If anybody has any guns or anything I can borrow, maybe we can work something out.
Yo, I'm sick of it when the news talks about ninjas this way. We got to stop them somehow. If they only knew how sweet ninjas truly are. http://news.scotsman.com/latest_odd.cfm?id=1349352006
Added some more videos in the Pump up section.
Yo. I put up a new sections of like minding people just flipping out. The purpose is for people to see the video and get pumped themselves. Then soon the world will be pumped up and naked ladies everywhere.
Check it out FLIP OUT.
Yo. I'm planning a major class action lawsuit against my school because it's doesn't make sense that you can't do the splits when someone is giving a presentation when it doesn't even affect the person and you feel you need to stretch out. If anybody would like to get in on this at the ground level, let me know.
Also, if you like to be my homie on myspace.com, then go to my page at http://www.myspace.com/realroberthamburger
If you want to say hello and send me some information about ninjas, then add me on myspace. Perhaps we could even a have a pizza party together. Other people who say they're me on myspace like is a liar. If you befriended somebody saying they're me, that sucks and I'm sorry. The above link is the only link.
Also, go buy Maddox's book when you buy mine. It's awesome. He thinks pirates are cool, which I don't condone, but he understand what it means to beat ass.
Yo. Put up some new movies. Got some "Pump Up" submissions. Needless to say, I tore up the carpet with my claws after watching them. Check it out in the movies section part 2.
NINJAS in the news
CALL TO ARMS
First off, I would like say that ninjas are sweet. Ninjas are sweet. Next, I'd like to thank all you people who believe in ninjas and the power that these amazing beings hold.
Now I have a call to arms. There comes a time in everybody's life where one must choose to be pumped or not. That time is probably now. All the stuff I've been talking about-the ninjas, the dogs, the hippos-it's really all about being pumped.
The fundamental question for humanity is, Do you want to be that boring guy at the shoe store who just takes whatever shoe the lady gives him? Or do you want to be that bad ass dude who just laid a log on top of a fax machine for no reason at all? I think the choice is simple.
If you understand what the heck I'm talking about, then you have to go and get as pumped up as possible and record it on film to get other people pumped up. It doesn't matter what you're doing. As long as you're pumped. You could tear apart the entire living room and it would be awesome*. You could bite the hell out of a blanket with your mouth and it would make sense. Just as long as you're pumped. Like, if some guy in China sees your video and decides to commit his heart to being pumped then maybe he'll spread it to other people and then BOOM, naked ladies everywhere.
So if you want to part of the movement, just post your movie on-line and send the link to firstname.lastname@example.org
The guy who is the most flipped out will be featured in the hall of fame of REAL Ultimate Power. Everybody in town will probably respect you and you'll be helping people all across the globe.
So make sure to check back to see the people in your neighborhood getting pumped and messing up the place.
*Note: If you want to tear apart your living room and video tape it, make sure you own all the stuff in the living room. You can wreck your own living room, but you canít wreck your momís living room, unless she says itís cool, and then you got one bad ass mom. REAL Ultimate Power does not condone or encourage illegal behavior.
More sightings and movies are up. Check out the urban ninja.
Ninja sightings in the news
New York restaraunt featuring ninjas
Ninja just trying to get by
Word up amigos. I'm still alive. I've been working on the script for REAL Ultimate Power: The Official Movie. If you have any favorite scenes from the book you think are pretty sweet and would like to see them in the movie, drop me an email.
There are some new pics posted up in the sightings page. If you want to be famous and have your picture up there, send your ninja sighting to email@example.com.
Ninjas sightings in the news.
Our sister site, internetmammogram.net, is back up. Go tell your mom so she can get her mammograms real easy.
Also, send in pictures of you getting your dog pumped and I'll post them up.
If you don't know what to get your buddies for Christmas, get them the Official Ninja Book. What better gift is there than the gift of getting pumped?
Great. Now we can get back to thinking about ninjas again. I just made a new section about getting dogs pumped. If you want to learn about how to get your dog pumped check it out and tell your friends who have dogs too.
GET DOGS PUMPED
Put some new pictures up too.
Yo. The ninja book is doing pretty good. It's in its third printing. I put up new movies and hate mail. Also I'll include in the news page here some actual news of ninjas flipping out on planet earth. Here's the first installment.
Want me to come to your college to have a ninja event with guitars and ninjas breaking bricks? What you need to do is
*talk to your events department see if they would want it at your college.
*put up flier around your campus for people who break bricks and play guitar
*think of some other crazy ninja crap you'd like to be there
*then contact me at firstname.lastname@example.org and talk to your events department
I won't be the one organizing it, though. That's your job. I'd be some dude who shows up and hangs out and signs books and takes a dump on the floor in addition to the other sweet stuff going on.
Win an autographed copy of REAL Ultimate Power: The Official Ninja Book! See details here. Tell your buddies if they don't have anything to do this summer, too.
Bunch of New Stuff
I posted up like 8 new movies. The last one is one of the sweetest I've ever gotten. New hate mail, too. Plus, check out all the REAL Ultimate Power parodies--organized and all there. Click here
Help Publicize REAL Ultimate Power:
The Official Ninja Book!
Iím a little guy and not getting any money for promotion of this book. So if anybody who likes the site and want to help out, that would be awesome.
*Telling a buddy or family member about the book or something, that would be cool. Here's the link
*Or if you read the book and loved it www.amazon.com has a feature called "Our Customers' advice" which asks readers, "Is there an item you'd recommend instead of or in addition to this one?" If even fifty people recommend RUP all over Amazon (especially on other humor book pages) people would finally begin to realize how sweet ninjas really are.
*And if you want to put up some flyers in your neighborhood and spray paint some crap that would be awesome too. These assholes have to realize that ninjas are probably the sweetest beings to have walked planet Earth ever.
*Or, this is a crazy one, if you get to be an audience member of some TV show, go crazy or something.
*If you guys have any ideas, I want to hear them. Mail me at email@example.com.
REAL Ultimate Power has been banned in Odessa, Nebraska! Click here for details!
REAL Ultimate Power is available NOW at amazon and your local bookery. Click here.
O.K. I'm sick of people saying a bunch of lies about me and the website. So I wrote a short history of the website and what the hell this is all about. Check it out on the history of REAL Ultimate Power. Click here.
Yo. You can now pre-order REAL Ultimate Power--The Official Ninja Book from amazon. It's only 10 bucks--so basically everybody could afford it, except poor people, but maybe somebody will hook them up with a copy or something. If you want more info, then click here RUPBOOK.
Good morning. If you want to post up some bad ass ninja fliers around your town, then check these out--FLIERS. They look pretty sweet. Even my neighbor likes them and he doesn't like anything. I put up some new pictures and movies too, if you're into that kind of stuff. (By the way, yesterday my uncle came over and all this crap happened but Iím too mad to talk about right now.)
The news links about what happened to me last year are working again. So check them out, if you got time.
BEEN SUED, BIG TIME.
Hello. Lately I've been thinking about life, ninjas. And I wonder if there's anyone else that feels this way about ninjas. I get a lot of email from people telling me how they think ninjas aren't that great. Personally, I don't know where you people are coming from. How can anyone think that ninjas aren't awesome? A lot of you think you're real frigg'n sweet, but if you could look into a mirror--a real magic mirror that only speak the truth--that mirror would say that you're a frigg'n moron and then it would start spitting all over your face, and that spit would melt your face into a little ball and you'd try to scream for you mom but that scream would sound like bounce, so she'd think you were really playing basketball with you're buddies, but you really weren't because you're so stupid. Then you'd finally understand how sweet ninjas are.
So, anyways, I was at the pizza place with my dad and this this one pizza girl kept waving at me and smiling while I was eating the pizza. So I bit into my pizza real hard and all this pizza juice squirted on my shirt, and then I farted because of the pizza juice and she stopped waiving.
I updates a bunch of movies, too.
Oh, REAL ULTIMATE POWER The Official Ninja Book comes out JULY. I don't know the exact date, but if you want to know then sign up on the mailing list.
I just want to give a shout out to all the ladies.
Now to the news. Some more retards wrote me hatemail. Big surprise. I got this one that's a double email (from two people at once). Its getting pretty intense.
People say I'm I fat in my video. Well, I'd like to hear you say that to my frigg'n face. I chop up your lips so you never say anything like that again. You people think you're so tough, but I'll cut your face up.
My parents and I moved away from Los Angeles, because of neighbors and now we live in the bay area.
Robert Hamburger, me, shows bow staff skills. NEW
Everybody's has been writing me saying they want to see my ninja skill, so here's a video of a little talent show the teacher had us do. Oh, and the thing I'm using is supposed to be a bow staff, if you're too stupid to know.
cool bow staff skills click here to see me
I have won the lawsuit!!!!!!!!
best viewed in netscape
BEEN SUED, BIG TIME.
New ninja song. You'll love it. I do. Check out the Other section. More new pics, and movies added. Check to see if you're up there!
More new pics, and movies added. Check to see if you're up there!
New pics, hatemails, and movies added. Check to see if you're up there!
Real Ultimate Power, the book, comes out 2004 from Kensington Press. For more details sign up for the Mailing List (Don't worry, I only send out an email every 6 months or so. You won't be over loaded.)
I added new movies and a new sightings page.
Note: my neighbor's brother hosts this site on his server. please don't bother jeremy c., since he isn't me. you can bother me at firstname.lastname@example.org
BEEN SUED, BIG TIME.
Altering Time News Article
due to popular demand, i have reinstated the ghost-section.
script 5 is back up.
there's a new movie of some guy flipping a lot
I added new hatemails.
Plus, I added pump-up script 6 to the hatemail section.